Tickets on sale for Seven Arts show

Why is Jemima the book-burning student having a Black Spot nightmare?

Why does Zelda the 24-breasted alien want a champion parsnip grower as her sex slave? And is there a planet made entirely of kumquat?

Land of Nod answer all this and more in their critically acclaimed comedy sketch show at Seven Arts in Leeds on Saturday December 17, 7.30pm.

Tickets: £10, on sale now.

New gigs!

After a triumphant gig at the magnificent Caroline Social Club in Saltaire, Land of Nod have lined up two more shows in 2022.

We return to Seven Arts in Chapel Allerton, Leeds with a new show on Saturday December 17. 

And we have a 20-minute slot at the brilliant comedy night at Gledhow Sports and Social Club, also in Leeds on Thursday November 17.

Pop the dates in your busy diaries. Ticket details to follow.

Land of Nod to play Saltaire with the Jellied Eels

See what happens when the electrician finds your underwear drawer, Kraftwerk come to tea and the pantomime cow stops milking.

The Land of Nod are playing the Caroline Social Club in Saltaire on Friday June 17, 2022 at 7.30pm, followed by Leeds’ mockney cockney punk rejects The Jellied Eels.

The hilarious comedy sketch show will make you question the meaning of… pretty much everything. Plus a live band. All for a tenner. Yes, really.

Tickets are on sale now, here.

Introducing Lt Fyodor Wanksok

Like a beauteous butterfly, the Land of Nod has shattered the hard shell and quiescent pupa of Covid to bring you a cornucopia of magnificent new characters.

Emerging first, blinking into the sunlight, is Lieutenant Fyodor Wanksok, battle-scarred veteran of the Napoleonic wars.

He lost his left arm at Borodino and his right at the battle of Minsk. His left leg was blown off at Neremsky and his right at Waterloo. He was then blinded in the Crimea and decapitated in the Urals. His head was put on a spike and paraded around the streets of Mecklenburg whilst his body was burned and thrown into the Volga where it was devoured by piranhas. His mutilated remains were washed up on the banks of the river and consumed by rats. His testicles…

All this and a delicious range of open sandwiches await you in the new adventures of the Land of Nod. Coming soon!

Ear he comes… Derek Plank

Imagine Derek Plank’s surprise when, one morning, he looked in the mirror to find he had grown a gigantic ear. Covering his embarrassment with a large hat normally worn in only the fiercest winters, Mr Plank hot-footed it to his local GP.

“I explained to my doctor that the previous day I’d had a Covid jab. They told me I might experience mild ‘flu-like symptoms, no-one mentioned the possibility of growing a massive ear,” said Mr Plank.

“After she had stopped laughing my GP prescribed me some anti-inflammatories.”

However, the next morning he discovered that his other ear had grown to gigantic proportions too.

“At least it’s more symmetrical,” opined a bemused Mr Plank.

If you’ve had any humiliating or embarrassing side-effects as a result of a Covid jab, call our hotline. Please make sure you wildly exaggerate your symptoms otherwise it won’t be very interesting.

Send in… Colin Smink

Pity poor Colin Smink, he’s got a disease called Jokes Involuntarius. “It makes me tell an endless stream of pathetic jokes and I’ve got no control over it at all. It’s no laughing matter,” jokes Colin. “People started avoiding me. I’ve lost all my friends.”

But Colin has taken some consolation in the marvellous support he’s had from his wife.

“She’s been amazing,” he says. “From the first day I met her I knew she was a keeper… It was the massive gloves!”

Tally-ho, Cucumber-Smythe

For Jocelyn Cucumber-Smythe, Master of the local hunt, things looked pretty bleak when fox hunting was banned.

“I thought we’d have to pack it all in,” he remembers sadly. “Then I had this tremendous idea of hunting humans instead. After all they’re just vermin, spreading disease, destroying the environment, eating Quorn. Now we can keep the numbers down and still have fun. It’s a win-win for everyone! Tally-ho!”

A dose of Ashley Naggs

What do you do when one of your cows stops producing milk?

Normally a dose of antibiotics does the trick but local farmer Ashley Nags prefers to use an alternative remedy involving his glorious set of flimsy silk under crackers and the cow’s rear.

“Works every time,” boasts Ashely. “Mind you, I did get stuck fast once,” he remembers ruefully. “We use the same method if our chickens stop laying,” he adds.

You can buy Nags milk at your local supermarket. “Mmm, creamy goodness!”

Enter… Countess Chestikov

The beautiful and tempestuous Countess Ludmilla Chestikov (ahem), bored by her hapless husband, embarks on a reckless affair with the infamous sex priest Grigori Rasputin.

Ludmilla is also pursued by the love sick Napoleon Bonaparte and his rapacious invisible dwarf general, Pierre Burmantoft.

Buffeted by the horrors of war and the onset of genital warts, will Ludmilla survive or will she be destroyed by a volcanic explosion of human passion, jealousy… er, and that sort of stuff.